Notes to My Younger Self

Be kind to yourself and know that you have all the answers

I turned 30 two weeks ago and found myself looking back at my 20s. The last decade taught me a lot about myself. It made me grow, saw me follow my heart, become more accountable, push my boundaries, and continue to build a community of people I cherish. It wasn’t always easy or comfortable but I’m glad that I experienced the things I did. To welcome the upcoming decade, I reached out to a few people I look up to for advice and if there was anything that they wished they had known at the beginning of their 30s. I received a lot of great advice which made me think of what I’d tell my younger self. Here goes nothing/something…

Hey you!

You’re a curious one, aren’t you? You have so many questions and want to know as much as you can about as many things as possible. I know that on some days you can’t wait to grow up because you think there is more to life than classes and exams. Guess what? You’re always going to be learning and life will continue to challenge you. I wish I could protect you from the moments that will break your heart but you’re going to have to go through them and experience a lot of incredible things to become the person that is writing this. Here are a few things that I wish you knew. But don’t worry, we’ll figure them out.

1. The one truth that will always be true is that all the answers to your questions are within you. It is difficult to make sense of things when you’re in the middle of a situation but take a moment to breathe and ask yourself what your gut says. The world will tell you a lot of things but listen to yourself and your gut.
2. Remember that life is a marathon. Consider the long term impact of your decisions. One day, you’ll see the dots connecting backward. And even if things don’t turn out the way you had hoped, they will be your mistakes.
3. There is no substitute for hard work and there should be no excuses. If you want something in your life, don’t take no for an answer. You’re going to have to put in the effort, even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Good things take time and only hard work will make you better. Have patience.
4. Building connections and empathy are your strengths but they can be your Achilles’ heel too. Be careful how, where, and on whom you spend your energy. If you find yourself being drained, speak up. You can say no to things.
5. Build a community of people that you look up to and cherish. Be grateful for them. Their lives and stories will inspire you to do more than you think possible.
6. Invest in relationships that matter and cut out the ones that don’t serve you. It’s fine to grow apart, even if it hurts. Life works in mysterious ways and sometimes, these people may come back into your life.
7. If you want a certain quality in a relationship, embody it. And despite whatever you feel, don’t be guided by fear. Relationships aren’t always meant to last forever. They come into your life to teach you a lesson. Honour the lesson, the time, and the connection. When it has run its course, it is okay to let it go.
8. Try having as many experiences as you can. Cherish mundane chores. Travel. Fall in love. Get your heart broken. Do things by yourself. Live by yourself. Live away from your country if you can. Work on your relationships. Have uncomfortable conversations. Fill your life with countless stories.
9. Be vulnerable. Invest in yourself solely with the intention of growth. Remember when the velveteen rabbit asks the horse how to become real, the horse says “One doesn’t start off real. Life makes you real. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Being real takes courage and vulnerability.
10. You’ll struggle with anxiety. The first time you’ll have a panic attack, you won’t know what hit you. You will get through it and start your journey of meeting your mind and rediscovering who you are via therapy and coaching. You’ll discover patterns and recognise how much conditioning has impacted your life. You will fight them and continue to work through things. It’s a process.
11. You’ll have good days and bad days. Make self-reflection an imperative part of your life. Write, meditate, do yoga. Please continue to show up for yourself.
12. In any situation, it’s never just your fault. Every worst-case scenario in your head includes you, the other person, and the situation itself. Also, worst-case scenarios almost never happen. If you’re worried about people, remember they’re thinking about themselves most of the time, like you. They aren’t spending a lot of time thinking about you.
13. You have to love your body. It’s the only one you have. Accept it. Appreciate it. Learn to work with it. Love it. Be thankful for it. Live it. Take care of it along with your mind. Any time you spend in taking care of them is not wasted.
14. Be kind. Not just to others but to yourself too. Try to do the decent thing and not hurt anybody. But if you do, take responsibility and don’t hesitate to apologise when you’re in the wrong. Forgive yourself too. You’re not just black and white. You are also blue, orange, and yellow.
15. That person you didn’t end up with or the job you didn’t get — it didn’t work out because the two of you weren’t a fit at that moment in time. When you look back, consider the sum of your good days and the sum of your bad days. That’ll show you a balanced result.
16. Be smart with money. Save. Save. Save. Anything can happen and having your savings will give you the confidence to deal with the difficult situations that life may throw at you.
17. Remember that it’s okay not to know what to do with your life. You are also a person that plays a lot of roles and all of these things together make you who you are.
18. Recognise your privilege. Speak for and against the things that matter to you but pass the mic when it’s someone else’s turn to tell their story.
19. Be grateful for everything you have and don’t. For everything that life has given you and hasn’t. Express that gratitude.
20. Life is as complicated as we make it. If you ever feel stuck and are struggling, return to the sunscreen song.

Despite knowing these things, know that there will be tough times and you don’t have all the answers. Things won’t always be straightforward and life can get messy and will most definitely not fit into neat little boxes. You still have a mountain of things to figure out. Get all the support that you can because your friends and family will make many situations better. Continue to confront and communicate with yourself and you’ll be fine, kid.

You were and will be a little bit like Jon Snow. That watermelon was not a ball. But you know what, who says you can’t play with a watermelon? :)