To Travel Solo or with Others
The similarities, differences, and the secret no one tells you
One of the biggest gifts my parents gave me when I was younger was the gift of traveling. We went on several family trips and even if I don’t remember all of them, I grew up seeing photos of our travels. I also grew up seeing photos of my dad’s adventures in Russia, Japan, and Spain where he traveled for work. I can’t emphasise the importance of representation because seeing my father travel made me believe that I can also go to unknown lands. Fast forward a decade and a half, I left India for the first time at 24 to take over the world, and you guessed it, it was work taking me there.
When I moved to the US, I became a frequent tourist. I knew I had a limited amount of time there and I tried to see as many places as I could. Long weekend trips and road trips to different cities and states entered my life. With my move to Argentina, I graduated to traveling to different countries (despite all the pain that I had to endure with applying for visas). One thing in common with all the traveling was that they were with friends. Sometimes it was two people, sometimes we were a group, but always with others. I hadn’t conquered the solo-trip yet. I always had an excuse — I told myself my Spanish wasn’t good enough or that I didn’t have a credit card or I wasn’t sure if I could handle an emergency. But it finally happened in September 2017. I trusted my Spanish, asked my roommate to help me buy tickets with his credit card, and went to Mendoza. That trip changed my life more than I’ll ever realise.
Since then, I’ve shown up for myself time and again and solo travel has become a big part of my life. My trip across Europe gave me the confidence that I can take care of myself in any situation and that 9/10 times when you love the world, the world loves you back. But I also really enjoy traveling with others. I’ve traveled with friends and family since my return and there’s a special kind of beauty in traveling with people and making new memories together.
Being alone is underrated
The thing I love the most about traveling solo is that you can do anything you want to. I had plans for some days and had nothing planned for others. One day in Lisbon, I woke up and did not want to use Google. I ended up walking for hours to find a restaurant without knowing where I was. As liberating as it was, I ended up at a place where the owner and I didn’t share a common language and he convinced me to eat something that I don’t know what it was to this day. It was terrible and he clearly enjoyed my misery as he asked me to join the staff for lunch to eat the same thing. I ran as fast as I could and I walked around for the rest of the day until I found a place for dinner. You have the freedom to do whatever you want. When I wanted to be a tourist, I’d visit places. When I didn’t want to be a tourist, I volunteered and worked more. I was choosing my adventure depending on how I felt and I didn’t realise how addictive it is.
I always thought I was an extrovert until I was traveling by myself when I realised that I’m probably an ambivert (a person that’s an extrovert and an introvert) as there were stretches when I didn’t want to connect with new people and I wanted to be by myself. But during times I was looking to make new friends, I found I was a lot more open to it than when I’m traveling with people. I thought solo traveling would be lonely, however, it was anything but. Every time I wanted to meet people, there were people to reach out to.
Travel isn’t just fun, it can also be uncomfortable and when you are traveling by yourself, you’re the only one dealing with it. I had my guard up all the time and there were a few times I didn’t feel extremely safe. The worst of it was that I forced to take my own photos (I’m not dead inside, I wanted to have memories). With my painful selfie game and my distrust towards strangers (gracias, Argentina), it was a chore to get photos taken.
If you’ve been thinking about traveling solo and haven’t been able to yet, start with being adventurous in your city. Maybe have a meal by yourself, watch a film by yourself, go to a concert and sing along fighting tears when the band plays a song you loved when you were younger. Be comfortable with being alone. I find that it gives me the time out to meet my mind and figure out how to do things.
The more the merrier
Traveling with people over the last five years really helped me become comfortable with traveling, with being in a new place with new rules, with figuring out how things work. I’ve learnt that there are different kinds of travelers — some people like to seize the day while some like to take their time to settle in. Some people like having lists of things to do and places to see and others don’t believe in planning at all. I feel like I’m a little bit of all of these things depending on the day and the company.
On my first trip after I returned to India earlier this year, I was having a tough time adjusting to being in India, coming to terms with where I fall on the privilege scale, and feeling like I needed to hold it together when one of my friends told me that it was alright for things not to be great and for people not to be okay all the time. That sentence took away a lot of pressure and allowed all of us to be more real with each other. We started taking time off and do things by ourselves and we were our own person despite traveling with others. On another trip, I told my friend about my anxiety being very high and she helped me through it; my vulnerability was reciprocated with kindness. Traveling with friends has strengthened our relationships and now these friends are family.
Traveling with people also allows you to have your guard down from time to time. Because you’re not the only one on duty to spot the shady uncle and the creepy man. But as women, we can’t really do that for too long. I definitely need to mention that it is also more economical and fortunately, I have better travel photos.
In the end, it’s not about traveling solo or with people. Travel is about learning to leave your nest. Travel is giving yourself a chance intentionally. And when you do that, the universe takes care of your list of excuses. I thought my Spanish wasn’t good enough until it was. I didn’t know how I would deal with a crisis until I did. I wasn’t sure if I had enough money but then I saved and found a way to make money while traveling. And if you have a bad experience (there are chances you may), if you can, try doing the same thing again differently. You may be surprised by the result.
At the risk of sounding like every #YOLO travel video out there, I ask you to take that step into the unknown. It’ll challenge you, give you a new perspective, remind you to be thankful, and teach you about the world and being a part of it. Do it with people or do it by yourself, but do it because it changes you. Here’s a secret nobody tells you. There’s no one way to travel — you write your own rules and see the world the way you want.